Monday, July 13, 2009

The past 6 months.

It's been 6 months, about, since Tim lost his job with Starbucks. Initially, for maybe 5 minutes, I was furious. Maybe, make that 10 minutes. Furious towards my loving husband, and furious at that woman who made the final out of no where from left field decision. I went back and forth, but then I remember my back hit the wall and I had no strength left but to just slide down inch by inch and land on whatever caught me. He caught me. Though in retrospect, He didn't have to catch me, He had never let go. Still hasn't. There are times though I wanted Him to. I know that can come off as a crazy thought, but if I had my way...I oughta!

I am definitely learning patience and to just trust. TRrrrUSSSttttT. Such and easy word to say, but so hard to truly do with all of your heart, strength and mind. Trust Him with everything. Trust Him with Tim finding a new job, to trust Him with our marriage, to trust him with our finances, with our children, our home, the list or whatever you want to call it, it's endless.

I had no idea though.... I had no idea this is what God had for us, in order to stretch us and make us more like Him. I had no idea. I had no idea that our community of friends and family at church, the body we serve with and love, would carry us through this season. I had no idea what His people were capable of. I had no idea what the body of Christ was capable of. It's truly amazing.

I really didn't expect anything. Not because I had low expectations, we just had never gone through this type of trial before or gone along side someone who has. We were just, some doing it better than others, patiently waiting. Waiting for Him to show up. Knowing He has us here for a specific purpose and plan. And He did. He has. Thank you. Thank you Jesus. So with that said, He showed up.

(God you are so gracious. Your mercies are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness!)

It's hard to find the words to describe what it feels like when: you recieve cards in the mail without a return address and money inside, or when a dear friend writes you checks for the next 6 months hoping that it would be something substantial to ease the hardship and get our family by a little easier, or when gobs of families come together to make meals for you 3 times a week for 2 months, or how about when you return to your car after Sunday service and there is a goodie bag of clothes for the kids perched on the passenger seat and an envelope on your windowshield that is marked: THE ZIONS with a gift inside, or the random cash Tim will find in his back pocket from a friend that snuck it in with out him noticing until later that day, or when you haven't had a date night with your wonderful husband and just so happens Tim ran into someone earlier that day and gave him a gift card for a lovely dinner or two out, or when you find random boxes of food or other goodies on your doorstep, or when people want to do a Costco run for you without reimbursement, or when someone takes you to the gas station to fill our large enormous tank FULL. We are so full. Full because we serve a God who is so very faithful and because He has put this body of believers around our family so very tightly; to walk with us, to help, to pray, to talk with, and to grow us. To grow us ALL closer to Him.

To be continued.....

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

More thoughts....

Chasing chickens will happen almost knowingly every day, when you throw dirt it inevitably gets everywhere...even on you and your sisters, laundry never does itself no matter how hard you pray or try to wrinkle your nose hoping that you have genie like skills, it's an interesting trip to the grocery store when all three babes are running around and not in a cart...and too, how did that happen so quickly? oreos (need I say more), the library is a good place to spend lots of time with the kids reading and then reading some more, raspberries make wonderful gifts, talking babies are weird,we picked our first 3 string beans today from the garden, blueberry picking is a hoot with 3 kids and 2 dogs, Gratia finds it necessary to hoard rocks to save and eat later, Fiamma loves to shop, Elijah for the life of him cannot figure out how to pull up his underwear and pants after he uses the bathroom, digging a hole in the back yard for a lizard is fun, it's disgusting what I catch in my vacuum every 2 days, I need to journal more, Psalm 1 is a good one that I enjoy having the privilege of teaching to my children, I personally think catechising your children is a must especially since the culture we live in is not about Jesus..I really don't know how parents correct and discipline their children unless they point to Jesus for ALL of it, enough tangents. Goodnight.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

These are them.

These are my lovelies. My baby girls and my big boy. As I look at these pictures this is what I notice. They are all wearing their favorite sweatshirts.
I will start with Gratia. If she spots her zipper down striped fleece, from anywhere, she goes crazy for it. She'll yell for it, bring it to you relentlessly until you help her get it on and then you better get it on quick.
Fiamma often asks for her "car sweatshirt". She loves it. The reason being is, it once belonged to her beloved big brother, Elijah. I knew she would be honored to wear it. So as I was going through his closet to find items that didn't fit him any longer that item slid right into hers because I just knew. Moms do that, they just know. Fiamma was of course elated the day I pulled it from her closet to offer it as a possibility. Sure mom. Sure.
Elijah asks to wear his race car sweatshirt almost religiously. Where is it mom?
I will ask him to go get dressed, and he will come back with a confused look asking me, but mom where is my race car sweatshirt? Lately it's been so hot that we have had to have the conversations about getting too hot and how in 80 degree weather wearing a sweatshirt would be a poor decision. We would possibly get too hot and die. Yes a little extreme, but that is what he understands.
They are adorable. I adore them.

The other things that I notice is that they are all piled into a dirty pick up truck box thing (I have no idea what the technical term is). We use it for their outside toys but the only reason they can fit in it while taking that pic is because they threw everything else make room.
Geniuses I tell you.
I adore them.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

jOy UnSpeAkabLe

My thoughts for today are as follows: reading in mass quantities to your children is a perfect way to spend the morning, a mud pit is a must for every back yard, 4 year olds need chores (elijah took out the recycling today by himself), my children love eachother, chalk is not eatible, sprinklers are an amazing invention, raspberry/blackberry cobbler cooked in a cast iron skillet is the most delish thing, a teething Gratia is a delicate thing, blankets are for hiding under, my back is tired but it is all well worth it, the smell of freshly dried laundry from the line is intoxicating, new video cameras are a blast and well worth the cost, i love surprises, pregnancy is such a blessing, reaping veggies from your garden is a rewarding task and even better when you get to chop them up and eat them for dinner, it's been a joy teaching the kids the OT books, baby dolls ALWAYS need their hats on, and I think I want to write a book.

Today was such an ordinary day. We didn't go anywhere or have a fun adventure. We didn't have any guests over. We hung out in our home; clothing optional, as well as mudslinging. But I can tell God is changing my heart. Because if I remember correctly, the days when we stay home usually seem to be the hardest. Days act longer, children tend to be whinier, more accidents happen, ect.

I think what God is teaching me right now and I am finally grabing hold of (it's a process) and taking to heart is this: obedient children are not what gives me true joy. An accident free day is not perfect joy. A perfect husband is not where my joy waits. A delightful day without any chaos is not where my joy comes from.

True and perfect joy comes from the Lord. And He never changes. Never.

Doesn't matter what our day looks like. The key is we have a day. It's a blessing.
Any and every kind of day is a blessing.

My goal is not to have a good day (which would consist of obedient children, no chaos, limited change in schedule, no messes or accidents, ect).

My goal is to get up every morning and worship Him.
With every thought, deed, and action.

With all of me. For His glory.

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.